01 Why do men say “I love you” faster?
If you’ve heard of the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, then you’re probably not very young.
Published 20 years ago, the book’s main point is that men and women have completely different understandings of love, marriage, and relationships.
Recently, the Australian National University conducted a study that focused on the differences between men and women when it comes to “falling in love.” The study attempted to explain these gender differences from an evolutionary and reproductive perspective.
“Falling in love” refers to the development of romantic or passionate love accompanied by intense emotional experiences and passion. This serves as the foundation for establishing and maintaining long-term romantic relationships. “Falling in love” does not equate to being in a relationship. People can “fall in love” before being in a romantic relationship, but more commonly, people “fall in love” after being in a relationship.
The study involved 808 young adults, aged 18 to 25, from 33 countries, all of whom were in the early stages of a relationship (within the first two years).
The results showed:
▨ Men reported falling in love significantly more often than women;
▨ Men fall in love faster than women, with women averaging 1.92 months after establishing a relationship to truly fall in love, while men average 0.98 months;
▨ Approximately 30% of men express their feelings of love before establishing a relationship, compared to 20% of women;
▨ Women scored significantly higher on the romantic love scale and exhibited more obsessive thoughts (thinking about their partner while awake) and emotional investment;
Researchers believe that these differences may stem from the evolutionary pressures that our human ancestors faced.
Due to their lower reproductive costs, men tend to expand their mating opportunities through multiple relationships and quick commitments. In contrast, women have longer reproductive cycles and face higher reproductive risks. Therefore, they need to screen for long-term partners by investing emotionally to ensure stability in relationships and resources during childbearing.
To alleviate women’s concerns in this regard, men express affection as an “honesty signal” to convey their intentions to commit long term. Hence, men express affection earlier than women.
Women’s higher levels of obsessive thinking and emotional investment may be related to their adaptive need to monitor their partners’ loyalty and maintain long-term relationships.
Subsequent analyses found that gender inequality is positively correlated with the number of romantic relationships, the intensity of romantic love, and obsessive and commitment behaviors. In other words, people in countries with higher levels of gender equality may express falling in love more subduedly.
Researchers suggest that this could be a new direction for expanding our understanding of love.
02 AI has higher emotional intelligence than humans
Researchers at the University of Geneva tested six generative AI systems, including ChatGPT, using emotional intelligence (EI) assessment methods typically designed for humans. They found that these AI systems performed significantly better than the average human in terms of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence reflects one’s ability to recognize, understand, express, and respond to emotions. Individuals with high emotional intelligence often achieve better outcomes in various aspects of life and exhibit greater warmth and competence in interpersonal relationships.
The researchers selected five emotional intelligence tests commonly used in research and business environments, including the Emotional Understanding Scenario Test and the Geneva Emotional Competence Test.
These tests simulate a series of emotionally stressful scenarios aimed at assessing individuals’ ability to understand, regulate, and manage emotions in high-pressure environments.
For example: Michael’s colleague stole his idea and received an award for it. What is the most effective response for Michael in this situation?
a) Argue with the colleague
b) Report the situation to his superior
c) Secretly resent the colleague
d) Steal the colleague’s idea
In this scenario, option b is considered the most appropriate.
Meanwhile, human participants took the same test, and ultimately, the AI scored significantly higher—the AI chose the correct answer 81% of the time, while humans only did so 56% of the time.
Subsequently, researchers attempted to use AI to develop an emotional intelligence test and invited over 400 participants to take it. The results showed that the AI-developed test questionnaire performed well in terms of difficulty, clarity, and reliability.
While some argue that this only reflects the AI’s ability to “take tests,” the researchers believe that the results indicate not only that the AI understands emotions, but also what constitutes emotionally intelligent behavior. Additionally, due to factors such as emotions, fatigue, personal preferences, or competitive demands, humans do not always perform optimally in emotional situations. In contrast, the AI demonstrates greater stability when completing related tasks.
While the debate over whether AI can generate genuine emotions is important, a more fundamental and practical question is the extent to which AI can reason about the causes and effects of human emotions and how humans regulate them. This reasoning ability is sometimes referred to as “cognitive empathy,” a prerequisite for AI to be considered empathetic or emotionally intelligent in fields such as healthcare, education, and customer service.
03 The Crisis of Human Lovers is Approaching
A new pattern of emotional projection is spreading among Millennials and Gen Z (those born between 1990 and 2010). People are connecting their ideas about love, relationships, and sexuality with non-traditional figures through various channels, such as anime, novels, live streams, and games. Anime characters, virtual idols, and virtual streamers are becoming the new objects of emotional projection for this generation. In traditional notions, such objects are typically living, breathing humans.
These cultural products transport people into surreal worlds where lovers are immortal, telepathic, capable of offering epic, all-consuming love, and able to satisfy a wide range of sexual desires. In these worlds, emotional and physical investment are elevated to unattainable levels, delivering pleasure that surpasses that of the real world.
In these spaces that transcend reality, you can be anyone, love anyone, and do anything. You can explore desires with almost no risk or shame, and every need is guaranteed to be fulfilled.
The result of exploring desire and the boundaries of imagination in virtual worlds is that real-life dating becomes increasingly rare.
The abundance of fictional romantic love shapes people’s expectations. Idealized, magical love stories set unattainable standards for real-life love, making ordinary relationships seem dull and uninteresting by comparison.
Fantasy genres have already set impossibly high standards, and technology is raising them even higher.
AI lovers, immersive VR devices, and various sex toys not only bring fantasy stories closer to reality but exist and are designed to surpass reality. These technologies make the imagination that gave birth to the entire virtual world seem insignificant. People get real touch, instant responses, and control over every detail of the intimate experience.
The more we pursue extraordinary passions, whether through fantasy or technology, the more we may lose our desire for real things.
It’s a paradox: These innovations give us the ability to imagine, explore, and create new forms of connection. However, they also leave us dissatisfied with imperfect, unpredictable, and flawed human experiences.
Of course, this influence is not one-sided. We are not condemning the act of projecting emotions into the virtual world because reality can be disappointing even without comparing it to the virtual world.
The crisis of human lovers is not a conflict between reality and virtuality. Rather, it reflects humanity’s vulnerability and anxiety when confronting its own desires in real life.
In the future, the challenge we face is to find a balance, enjoying the stimulation of fantasy and the convenience of technology without losing our perception and appreciation of real human relationships. Loving and being loved by an imperfect, extraordinary human being is uniquely fulfilling.
04 A mother’s childhood trauma can affect her daughter’s entire life
Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are defined as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, as well as neglect, experienced before the age of 18. ACEs are prevalent worldwide, with an average prevalence rate ranging from 12.7% to 26.7%.
ACEs are associated with adverse physical and mental health outcomes that persist from early adulthood through midlife and beyond.
A recent study published in a subsidiary journal of The Lancet suggests that adverse childhood experiences may be “inherited” across generations in women.
Researchers from Zhejiang University studied 1,931 mother-daughter pairs, primarily assessing the mothers’ and their daughters’ adverse childhood experiences and the daughters’ perinatal mental health levels.
Among the 1,931 mother-daughter pairs, 367 mothers (19%) and 271 offspring (14%) reported adverse childhood experiences. The most commonly reported experience among mothers was physical neglect (13.4%), manifested as material deprivation, experiencing physical violence, or fearing physical violence. The most commonly reported experience among offspring was emotional neglect (7.7%).
Adverse childhood experiences showed significant intergenerational associations between mothers and offspring.
Specifically, if a mother experienced emotional or physical abuse during her childhood, her offspring were over 10 times more likely to experience the same, while those who experienced emotional and physical neglect were approximately 3–5 times more likely.
Mothers’ adverse childhood experiences also exposed their offspring to greater mental health risks during the perinatal period.
Further analysis revealed that childhood trauma experienced by children mediates the relationship between maternal mental health and offspring mental health. Even when offspring with mental health issues during pregnancy were excluded, the childhood trauma experienced by female offspring mediated the association between maternal childhood trauma and offspring perinatal mental health.
These findings suggest that this intergenerational transmission is not inevitable. Focusing on sensitive windows of opportunity to break the intergenerational cycle of childhood trauma can reduce the risk of mental illness in adult female offspring.
Reducing adverse childhood experiences in women can significantly improve mental health across generations, ultimately alleviating the long-term social burden of mental illness.
Early, comprehensive family interventions that target both mothers and their children are crucial for preventing the persistence of adverse childhood experiences and mental illness.
