I have a very romantic girlfriend—a beautiful, gentle, literary girl—but she has constantly been frustrated by the dating market. She wonders if people can skip dating and embark directly on a journey of true love, where they can rely on each other. Dating can seriously drain romanticism. I understand what she means. Forget about love at first sight. If you date more than five people, you’ll oscillate between doubting yourself and thinking that “love is absurd.”
Romantic girls like my friend have a hard time fitting into today’s dating market because the romantic love models we’re used to seeing in movies and literature skip all the messy parts of dating. In these stories, the characters enjoy delicious meals without having to do any of the hard work. But real-life dating starts from scratch, wearing down your mind and body. It offers beautiful fantasies that eventually burst.
In this relentless pursuit, it’s hard not to feel a profound sense of emptiness. Everything you chase might be an illusion. Lovers end up in short-term relationships. Even if you have a great conversation with someone, they might block or ghost you afterward. So, what’s the point of all our efforts?
I believe there is one method that can permanently resolve this sense of emptiness: the “flower farmer mindset.” Imagine having a vast expanse of open land that you can transform into your own secret garden. It’s like a little game where you complete tasks to earn coins and decorate your estate. This is your garden, and each flower and plant adds to the richness of your land.
Imagine the people you meet as new batches of flower seeds. Not every type of flower can adapt to my land and climate, so some will naturally wither and fail to thrive. The ones that can adapt are the varieties that are most suitable for me to cultivate. In order to grow good flowers, I must continuously select the seeds. At the same time, I must improve the soil and enrich it to make it more fertile.
I’ve discovered the benefits of the gardener’s mindset. First, I no longer doubt myself because of negative experiences. It’s simply that the seeds weren’t suitable for my garden, and I’ll try again next time. Second, I don’t obsess over anxious outcomes; my garden has its own seasons. Third, I know that everyone I encounter is like a flower I’ve planted—they exist to benefit me. Every event and relationship can be viewed through a growth mindset.
Even more wonderful is that through gardening, I’ve come to understand myself better. My garden reflects my inner world. I have complete agency and am solely responsible for its beauty and abundance.
Today, I think the saying “loving someone is like tending to flowers” deserves a new interpretation. The meaning lies not in meticulous care but in creating a mutually nurturing vitality. The key to the enduring beauty of modern love is transforming the short-term mindset of flowers that bloom beautifully for only a few nights in a flower shop into the long-term mindset of a gardener cultivating a vast garden.
