Many people have experienced a dating crisis that leaves them feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to process their emotions. I am referring to the following types of situations:
You may find that you’re unable to develop a relationship with someone you like. You may feel indifferent about others who don’t interest you. After ending a relationship, you may rush to find a rebound. Dating too much may leave you increasingly numb. Meeting so many people and not knowing what you want may overwhelm you. You may feel like you’ve met a lot of people, but nothing has come of it, leaving you feeling like a failure.
The more you date, the more problems and confusion you may encounter if you have weaker self-awareness, and you may become increasingly numb and lost. I have also experienced such a chaotic period in my dating life. I hope that the following article will help you to adjust your mindset, heal yourself and guide you back to clarity from the chaos of dating.
1 stop excessive dating and practice letting go of current relationships.
Once you’ve reached a state of dating chaos, meeting new people is unlikely to yield positive results. This is because you’re in a state of confusion, especially when you’re unclear about your own needs. No matter how many people you meet, your attitude toward them will remain unclear.
At the same time, stop being the person who is always available on demand. Cut ties with the people you are currently dating. You can cut off those you consider “decent.” “Decent” means there is no spark, which is based on your unclear understanding of your own needs.
During this time, do not make dating the main focus of your life. Shift your attention back to yourself. Once you have clarified your needs, return to dating and treat it as a spice of life.
2 Reflect on and sort through your feelings about your current relationships and the people in them.
How can you clarify your true needs? Have a conversation with yourself, asking yourself the most honest questions and answering them truthfully. List all your current relationships. For each person, ask yourself:
‘Do you genuinely have feelings for them, or do you just think they’re decent with no major flaws?’ ‘Do you truly need this relationship, or are you simply enjoying the attention and feeling valued?’ Regarding a relationship, ask yourself which aspects you enjoy and which annoy you, which of your needs are being met and which are being ignored, how your emotions change during interactions and after dates, and so on.
It is essential to trace the source of your current feelings of confusion, frustration and numbness. Do you tie your self-worth to romantic relationships? Do you feel that you are not good enough for anyone to like you? Do you feel that being single makes you a failure while others are in relationships? Identifying the source of your emotions will help you to address the issue effectively and adjust your mindset.
3 Rebuild your boundaries and bottom lines.
If you’re feeling confused about dating, it’s probably because you’re drained by constant dating; otherwise, you wouldn’t feel this way. So, take this opportunity to clearly define your boundaries and limits. Ask yourself: how long can I tolerate not establishing a relationship before I tell them to fuck off? What behaviours make me uncomfortable and cause me to lose interest immediately? What are the things I don’t want to do and will never do?
Your principles and boundaries must not vary depending on the person; they must be strictly enforced. Don’t think, ‘I really like this person, so I can make an exception.’ When you start dating again, don’t be vague — not being able to clearly define what you like is fatal.
Dating confusion stems from too many uncertain factors: the other person’s attitude towards you is unclear, the direction of your relationship is uncertain, you’re unsure about your own needs and preferences, and you’re unsure if you’re ready for a relationship. To break out of this chaotic state, you need to reduce the number of uncertain factors on your side. Although we can’t change others — and that’s not our responsibility — once you clarify your own stance, you have the freedom to act as you wish.
Dating and life itself are processes of exercising subjective initiative. The phase of dating confusion is not scary; what is scary is losing yourself in it. If you realise you are in such a state, it means you have already begun to awaken. You don’t need to rush, but you can start regaining your sense of control over life and rebuilding order within your heart step by step.
When you return to dating in the future, I hope you will do so with the mindset that you know exactly what you want and won’t compromise your principles for anyone.
